Words can hurt or heal

How do you talk to your husband, friends, family and most importantly how do you talk to yourself? Are you speaking from kindness and understanding or shooting out spiteful, hurtful words? Once your words are spoken they can do so much damage or they can touch a heart forever. You get to choose…

2012 has started off with the loss of two men in our lives. It has given me the opportunity to re-evaluate my journey. Am I spending time with the people I love and embracing my relationships or am I running around like a crazy person and not having time for my loved ones or for myself. Is there relationships I want to improve on or is there some that aren't working for me?

What do you say to yourself?

Do you look in the mirror, and say complimentary things to yourself or do you point out all the negatives. My hips are to big, I wish I was taller. Do you look at your husband and see his loving eyes or do you point out that he is getting a beer belly. Men may not always show their hurt, but they feel it. When I was single and dating, I heard over and over again, how the hurtful words of their ex-wife’s had plunged holes in their hearts.

Once the words are said, they can never be taken back. So make sure your words are kind and loving. My very wise partner reminded myself and a very dear friend of ours, that words are powerful and we should be careful how we use them. Unfortunately my friend is mourning the loss of her husband, and I hope that she is not wishing she had said nicer words to him.

Be Gentle with Your Words

This is not a lecture to guilt you into doing something that is not in your heart, it is a gentle reminder to think before you say those words that can sting. Yes, an apology is always possible. In the case of my two friends who have died recently, both men died suddenly, so there was no chance to say " I am so sorry" for the things I said or did. So it is a reminder to me to be gentle with my words.

I have suffered the sting of loss many times over and mourning is never easy, especially if you have unsaid words, or words that you regret saying. Kindness seems to be something that is becoming a missing element is today's world. Being blunt, rude and competitive is becoming the norm unfortunately. Being right has become so important, that people will risk losing relationships over it. So I am not saying you should not stand up for yourself, but matching negative energy usually ends up in a loss-loss scenario. Once I become aware that anger comes from fear, it was so much easier to not strike back. Because whether you start the fight or not, the effects are still the same.  

Fabulously yours, Dianna

Dianna Bowes is the founder of Fabulous@50 and the editor of Be Fabulous! magazine. Dianna was the winner of the 2011 YWCA Women of Distinction Award in the Turning Point Category.