Happy new year, I hope you brought in this new year with a bang, I did.
I got married! Woohoo! On January 5th, 2013, my long time partner John and I tied the knot. We had our closest friends and family celebrate this wonderful event at Characters fine dining restaurant in Edmonton. We had a very personalized ceremony and followed it with a toast and a cocktail reception. Many people asked us why we didn't have a destination wedding and our answer was that we wanted people at the wedding that might not be able at afford to travel or like Johns father were not able to travel. Having our children stand up for us was very touching and surreal.
So why get married after 10 years together? Good question. First answer is, I finally said yes and second John got his divorce finalized. He gave me the engagement ring with a tiny divorce decree rolled inside it. The divorce could have been finalized years ago, but John did not push it because of my attitude about marriage.
Married twice
I have been married twice, once at 20 to my high school sweetheart and then a few years later to the father of my children. My first husband was tragically killed less than a year after our wedding day and my marriage to Doug, disintegrated over a longer period. Doug and I rebounded into each other after Larry passed away and after Doug's failed marriage. We got married and started our picket fence life. When I look at the photos I see so many happy times, but what the pictures don't show is the sadness and lack of connection between us. The marriage was a sinking ship filled with drug and alcohol addiction, and finally I took my kids and found a life boat.
So needless to say my experience of forever in a marriage was not a positive one. As much as I wanted a close and intimate relationship that lasted the test of time, it did seem to be something I was unable to have. And because of my past experiences I decided marriage was not for me. Don't get me wrong, I think marriage is wonderful, a good marriage, a strong marriage, a truly loving and honest marriage, not just existing together in the same house.
But last year something changed for me, I had written an article about letting go of the past and it got me thinking about what I was holding on to. Fear, obviously. I had often said to John, that when I can redefine what marriage meant to me, then maybe I might be open to it. I began to think about the concept of forever, about what that meant in a marriage. Is it possible to love someone forever, to make a relationship stronger over the years and to be willing to work together to move through the tough and challenging times? This all depends on what you focus on and your perspective of forever.
I had in the palm of my hand what any woman would want, a man who adores me, who would do anything to make my life better, more comfortable and a man who would back me on anything I wanted to do. John is romantic, thoughtful and listens when I talk. He does the small things that matter, and is always there for the big things, my biggest fan and support system. In my mind he was my partner for life, but for John, being blessed by God and making it official was important, and because I love him and did not want to deny him this I said Yes, and I am happy I did. I am not the fairytale, romantic type, but I am sentimental, and when John looks in my eyes, I know with every inch of my being, that long as he is able, he will be there for me forever.
Forever Gifts
Even though Larry and I had a short time together, he left me a wonderful family that I am still close to today. And of course Doug gave me the forever gift of our children. So even though those relationships are gone from my life, there is a forever element in it for me.
So now I am married to John, I no longer focus on forever, just today, being present and in the moment with our growing family and our love for each other.
Full of love
Dianna Bowes
Founder and president of Fabulous@50
www.fabulousat50.com